Lovesick Writings

JREV Testimony

2009-12-26T22:35:00.000-08:00

Today I just heard of another testimony that was birthed out of December 21. I have to say that this story is the most compelling Ive heard this week.

I was with "Cha" earlier today and she had so much joy in her heart as she told me that last Monday night was the breakthrough she has been waiting for. She has been a "Christian" since she was young... but she admits to being lukewarm for three years. When she sat down in the front row in that gym, she experienced God for real... The preachings spoke so powerfully to her heart and it created a desire to go back to her first love and pursue a passionate life with the Lord. More than that, God was preparing her heart for a painful blow that would shake her life forever.

After the event she went up to Jay and was ministered to by him. They ended up praying for her unsaved Dad.. Less than two days later, her dad died of a vehicular accident.

I went to her place today and I was pretty surprised that the grief and torment that I anticipated was not there... She was filled with hope, even though she's now an orphan. Her smile was beaming, even though she doesnt know how to provide for her three sisters... And most of all, she speaks about the Love of God so happily even though the death of her dad left a vacuum in her heart.

She listened so intently as I shared about the Cross and Christ's suffering for our sins. There was so much peace in her heart knowing that God loves her so much that He went through the most severe pain any man could bear just to save us. I told her abou the "fellowship of His suffering" and how this tragedy will lead to God's resurrection power in her life... And she just got excited!! She said she couldnt wait!! Hahaha.. This girl is unbelievable.

I am so inspired by her life... Her confidence in the Lord is really something. And I am so blessed to know that JREV night helped her heart to be established in the Rock that is higher than all of the problems that are to come her way.....

God is good... He really is. Jesus, keep these stories coming!

JESUS REVOLUTION MINDANAO

2009-12-26T04:13:00.001-08:00

Words cannot convey what kind of experience I have had with JREV Kidapawan... it was amazing! Not just the December 21 itself but with the days that lead to it. God's grace was just overflowing... His presence was felt through and through.... and the fire is beginning to build up in my city.

It was really surreal how something that only started as a vision became a reality.... The Lord is good. His provision of laborers was really heart warming. Somehow the people here just caught the vision and began contending with me... Starting out i felt alone, but then the numbers of intercessors and volunteers increased, I began to realize that God has already ordained this day... There was a deluge of friends! Friends who are also hungry for revival.

Personally, the whole month of preparation caused so much brokeness in my heart. Pruning, shaping, molding... "all things work together that I may be conformed to Christ, more and more..." I was practically a superwoman: organizer, mobilizer, intercessor... i was in charge with the production, finance, hospitality, programs, EVERYTHING!!! But like what apostle paul said, it is not I but the grace of God...

The grace of GOD......

What would I be without it?? Every single thing was enabled by His grace.

The intercession time was powerful!!! Everytime my friends and i would get together for prayer. something happens in the heavenlies... but what was more evident was the shifts in our hearts as we come humbly before the Lord. Oh, sweet moments.

I love my friends!!! Maoui, Jay, Riza, Gretchen, Josh and Gleh... came over to Kidapawan City and laid down a lot of things just so they could be a part of what God is doing in this part of the country... Mindanao has been in the headlines for the scary news reports and yet my friends risked their necks in coming over. I cherish every single minute we spent together!!!

The powerful testimonies I have been getting since Monday night are just spectacular!!! It makes everything worth it. But most of all, GOD was glorified... His name was lifted up up up.... and that to me is ultimately, the REWARD of my labors... Sweet glory.

Will talk more soon..... blessings!!!

JESUS REVOLUTION MINDANAO

2009-12-06T03:27:00.000-08:00

I KISSED WEDDINGS GOODBYE

2009-11-04T02:40:00.000-08:00

You know you are infatuated with weddings when:

a) You have decided on where your wedding would be… since you were four.

b) The scene wherein you walk down the isle, pacing gracefully towards your groom, has been played in the image center of your head- for at least 1,500 times in your lifetime.

c) Your favorite movies would include, My Best friend’s wedding, 27 Dresses or Made of Honor.

d) The first section you go to in bookstores is the “Relationship” shelf and you think that When God Writes Your Love Story is the greatest literary work of all time.

You know you need to get your heart checked when all you think about is finding that ‘right man’ and being wedded to him. After all, marriage is your ticket to a Happy Ever After. You know you are veering away from “God’s best” when you have equated that term to a husband. Your heart constantly tells you, that the ultimate climax of your very existence is to be Mrs. so and so…. There is no greater day, no sweeter moment than the day you say, “I do”. I’m sorry to pop your bubble honey, but that’s not healthy anymore.

Before I proceed though, I’d like to say that I am not speaking out of bitterness or cynicism towards marriage, and no I am not a nun. I believe in marriage and I think it’s beautiful. But it has become so overrated. Really.

I have sensed that the thought life of single women have pretty much revolved around weddings, romance, and that illusive pursuit for Prince Charming. This has become the norm because media has fed into our starry-eyed whims and we assume that the cure for loneliness is a significant other, so we sing, “Can anybody find me, somebody to love?”

I have seen this girly phenomenon so prevalent in my time. I do not condemn our natural desire for intimacy or for romance because we were wired that way. What irks me is the way we girls have made it so central in our lives; it’s as if a picture-perfect wedding is the very epitome of our womanhood, nay, even our life!

Even if we may not admit it, these relational fantasies have consumed much, too much of our time and affections. It annoys me that girls are so engrossed with the idea of being married to the extent of despising singlehood. The frustration felt in not finding that future mate has made so many single people (a lot of them in church) despise this wonderful season in their lives. I have seen some godly women who have settled for so-so guys because they were anxious to leave their “sorry state” and just get it done and over with by marrying the first guy they meet. It breaks my heart to see them settle for “ok” men just because they have become desperate to find a hand to hold.

Most of all I am grieved to see so many women who would gladly dream about her groom but have little thought on God.

Meet The Groom

What’s so tragic about our bridal fantasies is that it glooms our vision for that one eternal and everlasting Bridal Paradigm wherein Jesus is the Ultimate Husband, and we the church as His chaste and beloved Bride. Marriage here on earth is nothing but a fleeting prototype of something infinitely more glorious that is to come (Eph. 5:25). And that is our consummation with our Bridegroom King, who gave His life as a ransom for us.

Our dreamy fantasies of our earthly groom would look pitifully hideous juxtaposed to Jesus who is dashing and handsome in all His glory. “Then I saw the heaven opened and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fire and on His head were many crowns (Rev. 19:11,12)”.

Our coming Messiah, our Faithful Husband is fairer than the sons of man, He is white and ruddy, chief among ten thousand. He is altogether lovely (Songs 5:16). Just thinking about His beauty melts my heart and woos me like no man on earth could.

Think about this, girls (and boys) spouses can never satisfy us like God can. I mean have you ever talked to married people? There is no way that one person can scratch the deepest itch of our hearts. No husband on the face of the planet could fulfill the longings of our soul. Spouses are imperfect, fallen and needy people, just like everyone else. And just like a normal human being, they would fail you, most definitely. So don’t put your hopes on a “soul-mate” to attend to the desires of your heart, leave that task to Jesus.

He is the Ultimate Lover of our souls. Jesus left His glorious throne to stoop down and be conformed in the image of His creation (Phil. 2:7), just to rescue us from our sins. We have messed up our lives again and again but then in our filth and disgrace, He still forgives us and accepts us! Show me a man who loves like He does, I bet there is none!

I’m sure married women would agree that her husband is not an all-satisfying, all-loving, perfect guy the way he is depicted in our daydreams. If you are single like me, for crying out loud, stop fantasizing about weddings and wedding gowns! It only does more harm than good; believe me I can attest to that.

My Own Castle in the Sky

The reason why I am so adamant about this whole issue is because I too was trapped in this artificial world where Mr. Right swept me off of my feet. In this imaginary universe we lived happily ever after and boy, do I want for this day to come to reality. Reading Christian books on courtship and marriage stirred up my heart for something that was totally not meant for my season.

My desires for intimacy, companionship, and love all clung to that fateful day of being dressed in white and finally giving my heart to someone. Fulfillment and joy never really existed in singlehood because I was disillusioned to thinking that only “the one” could silence the cry of my lonely heart.

All of that changed when God encountered me in a way that I have never experienced before. He revealed His love to me that totally knocked me out. When I turned 18, I was acquainted with REALITY and I evicted myself from that artificial world and turned away from the vain imaginations of my heart. I was confronted with a love so real; so tangible that Hollywood’s best love stories would pale in comparison.

Out of this change of heart, there have been practical changes in my life. What preoccupies me now is studying theology and meditating on God, and I have avoided those marriage books like a plague. Today, I would rather eat a live snail than watch a chick flick or a romantic movie that could stir up my heart again and direct it to lustful fantasies. I may be looked upon as legalistic, stiff, boring and what not. But I would rather be called all that, than to be again trapped in that castle in the sky, which tastes and feels like plastic. In Jesus Christ, I have found the love story sought after since the beginning of time, and there is no way I am going to settle for anything less than the best.

Divine Romance

I am jealous for your hearts, girls. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live a life that’s passionate, alive and free? We have shackled our own two feet by choosing the lesser things in life . There is a higher dream and a more profound calling, but we are tied to the ground. Jesus, He is beckoning for you to come and discover His love. The invitation has been presented to you, and yet you’ve refused to reach out, you chose inferior delights here on earth. Love stories may have a happy ending, but still, they have just that… an ending. It is finite; it is temporary, bound to end. Just like the pretty roses, romance will eventually fade as the grass in the field. But His love never does.

It has been a very narrow path, to decide everyday that I am to keep my heart guarded from the many distractions around me (you know, those godly, good-looking guys). But I have proven time and time again that my heart will only be fully satisfied when it is fascinated in the Lord and Him alone. I will not trade a burning heart for an infatuation. I am not going to settle for momentary happiness, I want everlasting joy. Maybe time will come that I too will swoon over the man God has for me, but if it comes, then it comes. I really don’t wanna waste my minute fantasizing about it. Married or not, I know that the ultimate romance this heart is craving for, is one with Jesus.

I’m now 21 and have been single all my life. But the kind of satisfaction I feel, the fulfillment I am now experiencing is the envy of married women. The joy that awakens me morning by morning, and the romance I have found in Jesus far surpasses any form of fantasy a girl could ever conjure up in her pretty little head. I have found my Prince Charming, or should I say, He has found me (1John 4:19).

Biblical Womanhood

2009-11-04T02:29:00.000-08:00

Today I am inspired to begin my blog series on a subject matter that has been ringing in my heart for quite sometime now: BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD. It has become an obscure concept lost in the sea of many other notions about femininity, that I believe now is the high time to bring it into light.

What were we, women created for? Just like how beauty pageants ask in perpetuity, ‘what is the essence of a woman?’ I also inquire of the same thing. Fancy clothes? Sassy attitude? Great figure? I bet none of these were on God’s list as He unfolded His greatest creation for Adam to behold.

It is heartbreaking to see how women have settled for the mediocre things in life. These things that they indulge in may not be evil in and of themselves, but they simply are, superficial. We have sat around in the bleachers of complacency and decided to stay lackadaisical- about life, our character and our relationship with God. We are so passionate about the wrong things that we have not invested on the things that truly matter. Is womanhood simply about the clothes we wear or the way we fix our hair? Does our purpose hinge on marriage or motherhood alone? How should our devotion towards the Lord look like?

In my next entries I attempt to answer these questions and other issues that I have been itching to rant about. I am of great belief that God has so much more in store for us women, that is why it’s truly tragic to see my sisters get easily satisfied with anything less than God’s best.

Resistance is Futile

2009-10-12T00:58:00.000-07:00

Living a surrendered life. That's what I have been preoccupied with lately. It's a bloody path-- difficult, lonely, and painful. But was it not Jesus Himself who invited us to a crucified lifestyle such as this? If anyone desires to come after Him, must take up his cross. Truly if our hearts desire to be one with Jesus, then we ought to brace ourselves for the cost of this intimate knowledge of Him.

Our flesh for one needs to be mortified. We cannot have illicit desires and have fellowship with the Holy One, that's pretty understandable. He is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. We have to steel our hearts to be exposed, wide open for His scrutiny and allow ungodly desires (no matter how valid and legit) to be plucked out if ascension to His holy hill be fulfilled.

I have laid down a lot of things for the love of Christ, but every day I find myself holding back still a multitudinous collection of unyielded rights, loves, possessions, and dreams. So the bleeding goes on. Ever so often I am ripped apart by the Cross, only to be mended by God himself at the end of the day.

But why endure all this hardship, you ask? Because I know choosing Him above all these earthly things, is the best decision an earthly being could ever do. He is far more valuable than whatever it is we deem important. He is infinitely worthy of our utmost worship and affections. And if we die with Him, we shall also live with Him. If we have spent our lives on mutilating our own selfish clinging so that Christ may fully reign, unrivaled, then the benefits are inevitable. As we fellowship in His suffering... we will also rejoice in the resurrection power of His love. That to me, makes every tear shed, every heartache, WORTH IT.

Revival in Mindanao, now!

2009-09-25T23:58:00.000-07:00

September 26, 2009

Dear Friend,

Shalom!

God desires revival. More than anyone else in the world, He yearns to make His presence felt and glory known to mankind. This is the reason why my sister and I have such a burden for God to cast His holy fire on the young people in Mindanao. We want God to rend the heavens and come down so that our city may tremble at His presence (Isaiah 64) and cause countless of souls to encounter the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. We want what He wants. That’s a pretty straightforward intro, yeah?

Picture this: thousands upon thousands gather worshipping God, our generation coming together in repentance and absolute surrender to Jesus Christ. Imagine, the most broken young people ravaged by sin and imprisoned by false belief systems, finally experiencing the love of God, Muslims turning to Jesus, drug addicts set free, apathetic and bored teens becoming rabid for Christ.

This has been in our hearts for a long time now. In order to make this vision a reality, we are asking you to partner with us in this huge task of gathering the youth in Kidapawan City, North Cotabato for a Jesus Revolution Night this December 21. This event is not the end in itself but only a kickoff of greater things to come. The goal really is to awaken the Christians and stir a hunger for revival. We are hoping that out of this will come prayer furnaces, Bible studies, and continuous youth movements in desperate need of God. So please help us on this.

More than finances and bright ideas we covet for your prayers. Please include us in your daily intercession, contend with us friend! Even five minutes of heartfelt, faith-filled petitions to the Lord would do wonders (although an hour would be awesome.) But really, we are asking for your commitment. If you are willing to set a portion of your time for this cause, kindly contact this number: 0922-850-8419. Please inform us for any word from God revealed to you regarding this.

At the end of the day, Mindanao doesn’t need another peace talk, or military intervention, or humanitarian aid. This war-torn land needs Jesus Christ; He is the solution to the century-old conflict and no one else.

Thank you very much for sowing seeds in this generation! Needless to say you will be rewarded by no less than God Himself.

Lovesick bondservants of Christ,

Bernice and Amena Pinol

Endorsed by:

PASTOR JEROME OCAMPO

JREV Founder

When You Don't Desire God

2009-09-03T03:49:00.000-07:00

Its been a week (or more) of life in the deserts; parched, dry and crusty. When God has so ruined you, and have set your heart on fire, you can smell ‘lukewarm’ a mile away. It’s just never the same without His manifest presence; life is too much of a drab if His word doesn’t move you, as it should. Like a withered plant wishing water would come sooner, or a burnt out forest despising its bareness, I too have felt the pain of seeking out, and not being able to find. But since this isn’t about me, or my feelings, I endured and held my ground. I will love Him in spite of (dot, dot, dot). I carried on with my spiritual disciplines; but I felt estranged in my prayers and halfhearted in reading the Bible.

Pride tells me, “You’re okay, you’re still on fire for Him, look at the other Christians, they don’t read the Word as much nor pray like you do. You’re fine”. Complacency retorts, “This is just a season, a dark night of the soul. Just sit back and wait till it’s all over.” Then my flesh shoves every thought aside and whispers, “Why wait when you can always gratify yourself now? You have the right to look to other loves, He stopped fulfilling the longings of your heart, so go find another lover then.”

Sadly, I’ve given in to some of the many requests in my head; which made me obviously more miserable. That’s a no brainer. Sin has this way of deceiving you, offering a kind of satisfaction only He could give. But every believer knows, that not only is it counterproductive, it also leads to death (Romans 6:21).

But something happened in my heart yesterday. I became so militant in this whole dry spell I am in. Empowered of course by the Holy Spirit, I began to really seek Him out, violently. I realized that I was too lethargic when the truth of the matter is this is warfare! So I gird up my loin and began to battle it out with the devil, and the even greater enemy, my flesh.

It was only a matter of time before I got my breakthrough—a sweet victory indeed. I pulled up Dana Candler’s book and it read,

“When we feel that He is far from us, before we come into the conclusion that this is His discipline, let us ask if He is in fact near, and yet we do not know. Surely the Lord is in this place and we do not know it. (Gen, 28:16). Communion with God is the place from which we were brought forth and the place to which we will return, for we were made to commune with the living God and to desire such.”

So true! God is so ready to pour of Himself to me, but I was not hungry enough for it…. He was here all along and I got too busy, too worldly to even notice. Last night I sat on the couch and opened my Bible. Romans 6 just sealed it for me. My heart was weeping as I read through verses I thought I’ve already memorized. The Holy Spirit made my heart so tender for His word, and filled me with the knowledge of God. My soul felt so alive last night and till this very moment. I haven’t had this kind of personal revival for sometime now… I love it! Thank you Jesus!

So if you’re reading this and you have no desire for God, or have lost that appetite to read His word (yes I see that hand), then blessed are you! Because if you let it, the dry season may cause your roots to go deeper in search of that Living Water... in that desperate pursuit you will find Him. That is if, you be militant about it. Alright soldier?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.(Hebrews 12:1)

A Challenge to Women

2009-08-26T01:17:00.000-07:00

I got this from Desiring God website... John Piper talks about a godly woman in 1995.

That all of your life—in whatever calling—be devoted to the glory of God.
That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.
That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.
That you be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of its teaching. That meditation on Biblical truth be the source of hope and faith. And that you continue to grow in understanding through all the chapters of your life, never thinking that study and growth are only for others (AMEN!!).
That you be women of prayer, so that the Word of God would open to you; and the power of faith and holiness would descend upon you; and your spiritual influence would increase at home and at church and in the world.
That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God undergirding all these spiritual processes, that you be deep thinkers about the doctrines of grace, and even deeper lovers and believers of these things (This is so true... be a lover of doctrine and the practice of it).
That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific role, that you not fritter your time away on soaps or ladies magazines or aimless hobbies, any more than men should fritter theirs away on excessive sports or aimless diddling in the garage. That you redeem the time for Christ and his Kingdom.
That, if you are single, you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to Christ and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married (Yeah, Mr. Piper Sir, you're speaking my language!).
That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him in his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility and holiness and prayer.
That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.
That in all your relationships with men you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and care and initiative. That you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men (*Taking notes..*)
That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity. That you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld but by the countless roles offered. That you turn off the TV and Radio and think about...

I wanna grow old with you...

2009-08-25T02:18:00.001-07:00

Perhaps many of my contemporaries would share in this sentiment. As a young follower of Christ I have been told many times that my "die-hard" love for Jesus has been very inspiring. Most of the older fellows would give us a thumbs up on our radical pursuit and this remark would eventually follow, "You know, I was also like that when I was young!"

That right there just perplexes me time and again. Why do we confine our fire for the Lord only in our younger years? God is not a respecter of age group; you can go hard after Him whether you're eight or eighty. His is an invitation that does not have an expiration date. He summons everyone to come and drink of the living waters, anytime, anywhere (John 4:13).

Perhaps young people are idealistic, porous of the many philosophies and causes that's out there. That's why most of the time, that eagerness dies down as we age. The worries of this world (paying the bills, sending kids to school, work, etc) choke whatever seed God has placed in our hearts (Matthew 13:22). But the thing is, once God has truly lit you up, there's no way but to burn all the way for Him! And this bonfire of the heart will keep growing yet more and more as years go by. Once you've come close to this Consuming Fire of Love (Hebrews 12:29), His flames would eat you up like wildfire!

I remember listening to Helen Roseveare talk about the Lord in one of her messages in the Desiring God conference. I played it over 30 times or more! It was just so sweet to listen to her exploits in Congo as a missionary and her deep longing to know Christ more in the midst of suffering and pain. I would love to have a heart like hers sixty years from now! My desire is that when I am on my death

bed, in prison or in some home for the aged... I would still have a burning heart for Jesus, rocking back and forth, fully engaged with the Holy Spirit, radical as can be.

Everyday I am prodded by the Lord to keep desiring for more of Him in my life; to have some sort of holy discontent with my spiritua

l state and press on for greater things. He is an everlasting God- the knowledge of Him is bigger than I could imagine. Bob

Jones ones said that if the knowledge of God were sand, we have only settled for one grain of it when all the while there's a whole handful of sand available for us, and a whole ocean for an eternity!

Hebrews 5:12-14

For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. (Oracles mean God’s word). For every one that useth milk is unskillful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

How many Christians out there who have been in the faith for twenty years or more and are still timid to share the gospel to someone, or who only reads one chapter of Proverbs each day, or only spends five minutes of prayer time in the morning? It pains my heart to know that believers remain to be babes, even though they have known the Lord for decades. What a waste... There is so much in store for those who love Him, He DESIRES to reveal much of Himself to us. How I pray that as I grow older, I become more mature in His Word, in Spirit, in good works, in love for Jesus!

35 Reasons Not To Sin

2009-08-23T20:51:00.000-07:00

Because a little sin leads to more sin
Because my sin invites the discipline of God.
Because the time spent in sin is forever wasted.
Because my sin never pleases but always grieves God who loves me.
Because my sin places a greater burden on my spiritual leaders.
Because in time my sin always brings heaviness to my heart.
Because I am doing what I do not have to do.
Because my sin always makes me less than what I could be.
Because others, including my family, suffer consequences due to my sin.
Because my sin saddens the godly.
Because my sin makes the enemies of God rejoice.
Because sin deceives me into believing I have gained when in reality I have lost.
Because sin may keep me from qualifying for spiritual leadership.
Because the supposed benefits of my sin will never outweigh the consequences of disobedience.
Because repenting of my sin is such a painful process, yet I must repent.
Because sin is a very brief pleasure for an eternal loss.
Because my sin may influence others to sin.
Because my sin may keep others from knowing Christ.
Because sin makes light of the cross, upon which Christ died for the very purpose of taking away my sin.
Because it is impossible to sin and follow the Spirit at the same time.
Because God chooses not to respect the prayers of those who cherish their sin.
Because sin steals my reputation and robs me of my testimony.
Because others once more earnest than I have been destroyed by just such sins.
Because the inhabitants of heaven and hell would all testify to the foolishness of this sin.
Because sin and guilt may harm both mind and body.
Because sins mixed with service make the things of God tasteless.
Because suffering for sin has no joy or reward, though suffering for righteousness has both.
Because my sin is adultery with the world.
Because, though forgiven, I will review this very sin at the Judgment Seat where loss and gain of eternal rewards are applied.
Because I can never really know ahead of time just how severe the discipline for my sin might be.
Because my sin may be an indication of a lost condition.
Because to sin is not to love Christ.
Because my unwillingness to reject this sin now grants it an authority over me greater than I wish to believe.
Because sin glorifies God only in His judgment of it and His turning of it to good use, never because it is worth anything on it's own.
Because I promised God he would be Lord of my life.

Goodbye, Starbucks My Love!

2009-08-22T00:11:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I decided to let go... and let God. It's really hard to loosen my grip, and say farewell to a beloved and cherished friend. But this is for the better, for a cause that's greater than myself. So now, I brace myself for days when my cravings will taunt me, but then I have to fight it off. I will miss you my beloved Starbucks, it's been a wonderful journey with you... thank you for keeping me up during finals week and assisting me in my thesis writing. Your taste will linger forever, but this must end now. You're too freakin' expensive and our love affair is no longer worth keeping.

Why the break-up?

Because every year, 15 million children die of hunger, thousands of native missionaries need financial support, there's over 600 million street children in the world... and the list goes on. Seems irrelevant, but it has everything to do with my Starbucks fast. It's an issue of the heart, something God dealt well with me in the season that I am in right now. My lifestyle has a lot of "excess baggages" that are really non-necessities. I eat in restaurants and coffee shops where my purchases would be worth a child's education, I buy clothes that would feed an entire family for a week, I have all these "extra things" that really, don't have any eternal significance.

If a brother or a sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. James 2:15-17 (KJV)

If I truly wish to help the poor and needy and I claim to be a follower of Christ, then why isn't this manifested in the way I spend my money? I may not be able to solve the world's poverty problem with this new-found resolution I have, but at least I am doing something. I intend on scrapping off all my other expenditures and give a big chunk of my salary to tithes, supporting missionaries, and sponsoring a child thru World Vision. All these I do for the glory of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 13:21). To die to myself and become a good steward of what the Lord has blessed me with.

Prov 23:4-5. Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.

I had second thoughts in making this conviction of mine made known to public. But I truly believe that this consumerist generation must be nudged of its selfish ways. I am the chief among them. I have nothing against Starbucks per se, but it has become for me a symbolism of materialism and self-gratification. The reason why wealth is so inequitable and that the gap between the rich and the poor is so wide, is because at the other end of the spectrum are people who refuse to share whatever they have to others.

Heb 13:5 "Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have."

If only everyone in the upper economic strata would abstain one venti of Caramel Machiato a week, then millions would get fed... Five cups would provide for a child's educational needs. One generous heart could impact millions of lives.

He who is faithful in little things will be faithful in greater things... In my meager salary I decide to offer it up to the expansion of His kingdom, that He may entrust me more and more. Although I have been well-provided by my parents and I do enjoy the financial blessings God has given our family, I refuse to have my heart swayed by all these things. I pray that I would never seize weeping for the poor and the needy; I ask for grace that God my guard my heart from the deceptions of greed and extravagant living. There's so much more to life than hoarding possessions and wealth. If you are serious about being a disciple of Jesus Christ, then give up all of your possessions and allow Him to do whatever He pleases with them (Luke 14:33). Let's check our lifestyle shall we? Are we playing deaf to the loud cries of the poor in the name of one cup of coffee?

Six years in the Lord!!!

2009-08-20T20:15:00.000-07:00

Here’s a really great idea for a laugh trip, get your high school diary and read through your yesteryear rants and how stupid the issues you write about were. I laughed like crazy when I did that just now!!! I was all about crushes, popularity, self-image, and the like… things that shallow girls think about. Ha! I was one, a really superficial 15- year old. Thank you Jesus you saved me!!!!

On a more serious note...

Looking back at how I was when I first got saved and still dealing with worldliness and a whole bunch of junk, I am stunned at the HUGE transformation in my heart six years later today. It makes me wanna shout, Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus, Lord You’re worthy of all the glory

and all the praise……..”

Oh my, it’s been six years already. How did I do it without Him? I wasted 15 years of my life and now that I am found by God, I am filled with so much gratitude for the way He saved me, ho

w He filled me with the Holy Ghost, how He healed me to the uttermost, how He picked me up and turned me around, how He placed my feet on solid ground…

Oh sweet Jesus! I was searching for you from my youth and my heart was craving for Your presence since I could remember. But I didn’t know where to look, I wasn’t aware You were what I was searching for.

So I turned to my family, and they just trampled on my worth. My friends never really answered my soul’s longing; the laughter, the jokes only served as momentary, fleeting entertainment.

There’s a nagging ache in my heart that demanded for answers, for purpose, for love. Even the thought of a romantic relationship wouldn’t ease the pain. Looking around people, they still had holes in their hearts even if they had a hand to hold.

What is this emptiness that’s never been filled? Religion sure didn’t help. Popularity and many acclaims faded away. The applause and praise of people only lasted for a day or two. What is it then? What will satisfy this desperate heart of mine?

I would do whatever it takes to know what this thirst is- crying out from the depths of my spirit that cannot be quenched by the world. I would give up everything just to know what would really make me complete; I would sell my soul just to have it.

For six beautiful years, You have been just that Lord- everything that my heart desired, even more. There was a quieting of my soul because it need not wrestle and strive in search of that ‘something’ anymore… I have found my all in all. Or should I say, He has found me.

Like a barren land kissed by drops of water for the first time, so did my crusty, deserted heart rejoice in You. You came like the rain and turned this desolate field into a spring. You’ve renewed my troubled youth… wiped away the many tears I’ve shed because of insecurity and rejection and despair.

I was restored as if nothing ever happened. You’ve traded my ashes for beauty. This ugly duckling, hated by her peers and looked down upon by society has blossomed into a breath-taking swan who found her loveliness on the inside and her value up there, in Your eyes.

The years I spent with you were tainted by my disobedience and sin, yet time and again you pursued me. I have chased many lovers, but I keep coming back to You. Like Hosea tireless in his pursuit of that harlot, You were even more unrelenting. How can I not love you, Lord?

In my weakness, you were strong. My shame and my pain and the many complaints I had with my self were all silenced by the beauty of Your holiness. I forget ‘me’ when I am confronted by the knowledge of the Holy. In Your mercy you removed my gaze from myself, to You. What a privilege I have to make much of You and dive into self-forgetfulness.

You have shown me great and mighty things which never before have I seen. You are glorious and beautiful and I’m constantly amazed by how You love, little ole me. Thank you, thank you God!

I could write a million things about You and what You mean to me, but words seem to never suffice, the violent outbursts of my heart cannot be written down; my joy is inexpressible it seems foolish to even try. All I know is that I have found the One my heart loves and I will never let Him go!

You compel me to lay down my life for you, forsaking everything to be one with my Beloved. And I will do it Lord. What an honor to suffer for you, its my pleasure to offer up my life as a living sacrifice for the One who gave His all to me. I will walk the narrow way as long as You hold my hand in the journey. I’d rather tread through the valley of the shadow of death with You, than to have it easy away from You presence. I have burnt the bridges God, see Lord, I have abandoned all and followed You. That 15-year old girl was never the same again coz You ruined her heart, she is too messed up to even live the normal life. Forever I am betrothed to You- lovesick till the very end. I love you Jesus.

Ako Ay Pilipino!

2009-08-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

God has given me so much faith for my nation. There is hope for a better Philippines, I know. The political climate contradicts this conviction, its pathetic economy scoffs at the slightest hint of optimism, and the Filipinos themselves have given up all expectations of progress and reformation. But God's thoughts are incomprehensibly higher than ours and His ways are superior to finite beings like us- so my eyes are fixed not on what I see in the natural but I stay gazed on Him, on His promises.

Last Friday my mom and I did a pseudo-Jericho march here in the Congress. We circled the whole area and prayed for almost every

building- declaring God's righteousness to rule and reign. We asked for His presence to cause a repentance in the hearts of our country's law makers and that waves of conviction will sweep through them. We worshipped, prayed, sang hymns, laid hands on offices, and just invited God to come. We're gonna keep doing this until revival breaks in, until there is speedy justice, until corruption stops, until the poor are fed, until this nation comes into a level of brokenness that every person declares that Jesus Christ is

Lord and would repent of its sins.

The AKO AY PILIPINO movement has been a huge blessing to me personally and I know pretty soon it will impact the rest of the country as well. In the whole conduct of my research and just praying for what particular theme I should write on, God just keeps melting my heart for this country. I have nothing concrete in my hands just yet, but reading through Philippine history and just encountering the many faces of the great men and women that compose this nation, I am more and more convinced that the prophetic destiny God has for this nation will come to pass, for sure! With the growing number of Filipinos rising up to rally with us in our desire to pave the way for God's move to come on the Philippines, I am of the belief that He truly will "turn the ways of the wicked upside down"(psalm 146) and bring the Philippines into transition, for the better. If we truly, truly humble ourselves and pray, and turn away from our wicked ways... then He will rend the heavens and take hold of us all!!!

Modesty is always trendy

2009-08-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

I saw this article in girl talk blog... it's pretty hard-hitting.

With the changing of the seasons come the new fall fashions. As we stand in front of the dressing room mirror or our closet at home, John Calvin, the great reformer, has two questions for us. In short, he wonders, what do our clothes say about our relationship to God?

“Where is our gratefulness toward God for our clothing if in the sumptuousness of our apparel we both admire ourselves and despise others, if with its elegance and glitter we prepare ourselves for shameless conduct?”

and

“Where is our recognition of God if our minds be fixed upon the splendor of our apparel? For many so enslave all their senses to delights that the mind lies overwhelmed.” (HT: Justin Taylor)

If other words, what brazen ungratefulness is expressed if we proudly admireourselves for the clothing God has provided, if we dress to attract the attention and admiration of others instead of drawing their attention to God, and worst of all, if we dress to “allure men sexually?” What kind of “thank you” is this to God for His good gift of attractive, comfortable, and warm clothing?

And how can our minds be fixed upon the goodness and the glory of God if they are consumed with thoughts of what we wear? If we are preoccupied with the latest fashions, which (like the grass) will be here today and gone tomorrow, how can we worship and love the eternal Savior with all our minds?

Ouch! *repent mode*

Jesus is coming!

2009-08-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

The voice of one crying in the wilderness: "Prepare the way of the LORD; make straight in the desert a highway for our God… The glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. (Isaiah 40:3-5)

If you know that North Korea is set to launch its nuclear missiles and aim it on Philippine shores, would you just sit idle or carry on with business as usual? Would things be the same still even though you know full well that you and the rest of your people will perish at the coming of a deadly assault from this rogue state? I don't think so. We will be so consumed with the sheer panic that merry-making will look extremely foolish in light of an incoming disaster. Our lives will be reordered by this event. No longer will we go on with our daily routine, nor think the same and act the same; but with all strength and will that can be mustered, we would respond to the urgency of the hour, doing otherwise would be ludicrous!

Our generation is given the same warning, for an event much more catastrophic than all the wars this world has known combined. It is the great and terrible day of the Lord (Matthew 24). This generation will see the greatest manifestation of the glory of God and at the same time the most dreadful cataclysmic event in history.

"But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise, and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up" (2 Peter 3:10)

WHO CAN WITHSTAND IT?

The events that will take place before the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ will be so terrible, who can withstand it?(Nahum 1:6) It is those people who have entered in into the realm of fasting, praying and heeding the Word of God, knowing full well what Jesus Christ has in mind for His bride. Those who have subjected themselves in the wilderness for preparation, consecration and total abandonment to the purposes of God. Forerunners are being raised up right now- they are set apart, and wholly dedicated to Jesus' end time plan. Their lifestyle is defined by an extreme devotion to God and they have that oil of intimacy with the Holy Spirit that enables them to minister to others in times of distress and confusion in many shiftings in the earth.

Oh how I want to stand prepared on that day! With no offense in my heart, fully yielding to the desires of my Bridegroom King. Revelations 19:7 says, 'the bride has made herself ready'. But are we really? What are we doing with our lives right now? Is the church stirring itself up to lay hold of God? It breaks my heart to admit, but we are far from it. How we go about with our days and our affairs in this life does not reflect at all the kind of readiness God requires of us. We have so many clingings in this world, so preoccupied with temporal things and busy in the accumulation of "stuff" that the idea of Christ's return remains to be an etherial, far-fetched notion. What's worse is that we have so much wickedness in our hearts that I tremble at the thought of His coming judgment over us. You guys, Jesus is coming, He really is!!!

Therefore, since all these things will be dissolved, what manner of persons ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God, because of which the heavens will be dissolved, being on fire, and the elements will melt with fervent heat? Nevertheless we, according to His promise, look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells.

I don't know about you, but the thought of this causes me to tremble. By His grace and the help of the Holy Spirit I desire to live a life of a forerunner. To not only strengthen my Spirit for the great tribulation, but to be prepared to impart to people the knowledge of His love and His plans in the midst of persecution, calamity and death. There's no time to dilly-dally, now is the time to act! Let's rend our hearts for this cause and increase the groan in our innerman that screams, "Come Lord Jesus!".

LONELINESS IS BLISS

2009-07-11T01:23:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those really rare instances that I get to live out a solitary life, even just for a day. I locked myself up in the room- no food, no media, no family, no friends, no nothing. It’s just God and I. After basking in the deserts of solitude, I realized that loneliness could bring an overflowing joy in one’s heart. Allow me to explain the paradox.

For four years loneliness was a loyal companion of mine, an unavoidable and painful experience, made worse by my homesick heart. Back in college being alone was what defined my days. In Cebu, I practically took care of myself, ate alone, and lived alone. Whenever I feel like being anti-social I could just be quiet in the house. Withdrawn. Hermitic. Anytime I could choose to be reclusive and be still before the Lord, away from the bustle of people and many activities.

Here and now is a completely different story. The laughter of my family rings from my waking moment and conversations with them end my day. There’s no way of feeling alone, because you never are. I am pampered and stuffed with all of my needs and wants. Everything is convenient here in Manila. The consumerist culture approves of your shopping sprees. You are bombarded with invitations to socialize and the entertainment industry aggressively rallies against mankind’s lonesome state. You’re never lonely. And that’s the saddest part about it.

Today as I examined myself, I learned that I have many props in my heart that try to bury the painful reality of loneliness. I have overlooked a major void in my spirit because of the many diversions all around. I wasn’t confronted with the real state of my soul because I was never without company; my mind was cluttered with social events, places and people, all the time. But when the laughter of friends are heard no more, when your family’s affections are withdrawn, then before you is the true condition of your heart- empty, dull and painfully sad. Even the highest form of amusement or pleasure this world could give can never pacify this inner gnawing.

As I sat on my bed today, I heard the cry of my lonely heart. This was so reminiscent of the times when I was sixteen in my dormitory and I had no one but God (Psalm 27:10). Just like then, loneliness lead me to desperation, a longing for real companionship- one that takes the ache away -all of that, I found in Jesus. Like what Tozer said, “it is the very loneliness that throws us back upon God.” There is a divine purpose for why we feel sorrow in this side of eternity. He desires to fill in that massive void in our very soul.

The more that I lingered on the pain of loneliness, I became an empty vessel that yearned to be filled by Christ and no one else. My capacity was enlarged when all of the sand in my heart was removed. Loneliness ushered me unto His feet. Suddenly things that used to matter didn’t matter anymore. All I knew is that before me was the embodiment of what meant the whole world to me- JESUS. The pull of the world, the desires of the flesh, the call of legitimate pleasures were all silenced by His glorious presence, for His love is better than wine! (Songs 1:2) There is absolutely no replacement for that sweet fellowship I have with the Lord, I have found the best friend in Him (John15:15). He takes my cold heart and sets it on fire, burning with a desire for Him.

At the end of the day, loneliness is what ushers us into deeper longings that demand no less than God. May we never become frantic to rid ourselves of loneliness, and try to anesthetize our innate human craving with society’s buzz. In the midst of our sadness we can find genuine happiness in Him. As we read His word and have it settled in our hearts, we find unspeakable joy (Psalm 119:111). Our Creator is the only one who could fascinate our weary hearts. He is more intimate than a lover and in His presence is joy unspeakable. Just one gaze from the living God could set us on fire, His voice causes the floodgates of heaven to water our parched hearts, the warmth of His embrace is the ecstasy mankind has been looking for.

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing. You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

psalm 30:11,12

Walking in His will

2009-06-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Since the Congress is on recess, (for more than a month) and there is much spare time, I decided to be a more prolific writer and share my heart for the world wide web to see. My aim really is for people to know about the God I am serving. I wish to to make Him more famous than He already is.

Basically what I do in the day when I'm in the office is to study materials from the House of Representatives and try to understand the dynamics of the legislative body. I've been working here for more than a month and I really love it. I get to be in the government and intercede for this nation on a daily basis. When my boss is around (who is my dad) I basically do research for him on certain bills that he needs data on. I sort of act as a personal secretary and a consultant too.

Weeks before my graduation (april 29) God really impressed on me to be about my father's business. Working for him as one of the staff here is far from what I have planned, but when God shanghais you, there's really no resisting. I believe that I am in the perfect will of God and there's no better place than that. Being around my Dad has changed our relationship a lot. Also, as a Congressman he makes a lot of very important decisions that could affect millions of people. Having a daughter who prays and ministers to him does a lot to advance God's purposes in his life and in the nation.

I placed God in a box by thinking that it's only in mission fields or full time ministry that i am able to render to Him my service. A poured out life doesn't just look like that of Heidi Baker, Jennifer Toledo or Mike Bickle. I would absolutely love to be like them but I could carry out the same heart and abandonment in a completely different context, i.e. Government.

At the end of the day, all I wanna do is to be obedient to Him. I truly want desire dependence on the Holy Spirit in every single decision-making there is in my life. And well, He lead me here. My heart burns for Him and my Spirit is so sensitive to His presence even if Im out of the prayer room and here in the office doing research.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

What My Ministry Is About

2009-05-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

Being in Manila for almost a month now has been pretty amazing. A lot of wild things have happened and I've witnessed so much of God's power come down on His people. I am also seeing the budding signs of His prophetic destiny for me in the government and politics.

I’ve had supernatural encounters with Him every time. I'd be in the mall and I feel the Holy Spirit so strong on me I would literally twitch or do some weird thing. I would wrestle with demonic oppressions and see God prevail. In the Nazarite Camp I got to see first hand God's healing power over sexual sins and other forms of bondage. His presence was so tangible we were all undone when it falls heavy on us!

When I’m with my friends the flow of prophecy is tremendous. Everyday I was seeing miracles left and right. I'd be waking up at 2 or 3am and the presence of God was all over the room, this happened almost every night. He showed me a vision about the Congress one time and three days after he woke me up in the middle of the night to give me a scripture for it. It is nuts I tell you!

There's always a lot to do in a day, I would meet so many interesting people in a week, and spend time with friends who share the same passion as I. By His amazing grace, I witnessed so many lives come into the knowledge of God's saving power. Every week I'd be preaching the gospel to some lost teen or to a cab driver, in a big hall with hundreds of youth or to restaurants and coffee shops. I've ministered to so many weary people and Christians who are struggling with serious problems.

Also Im taking part in ministries I really love. Im in the Boiler Room for intercession and on weekends Im teaching street children about the Lord. It's a whole new lifestyle and a pretty hectic one. I am seeing amazing signs and wonders, healing, miracles and a whole lot of mind blowing stuff.

But amidst all of it; the many godly activities, His spirit moving in people's lives and mine, awesome friends who are on fire for him and the wonderful ministries He has placed me in, I found my heart sometimes dull and dry.

And then one dayI felt God’s grief over me. I felt Him tell me one day in the most gentle way, “Where is that girl who used to sit at my feet and simply gazing at me? Where is my lovesick Bride? You’re so preoccupied with many things, but can you just fix your eyes on Me right now?”.

The tug in my heart was strong and the pang inside brought me to my knees. How could I have abandoned my first love?! My heart has been so preoccuppied with ministry works, with fellowship, busy even desiring the prophetic, asking for more visions and dreams; I was always doing something, reaching out to the poor, wanting to walk in more anointing, excited about my prophetic destiny, I forgot that it’s all about being found in love with Him!

“Father I am sorry if I’ve forgotten what it means to be a Mary of Bethany. My heart has been busy devoting itself to the things of You but have overlooked Your beautiful face, too consumed by what Your hand can do. God take me to that place again… the spot I used to love spending my time in, hours on end. I want to sit at your feet once more and just simply behold Your beauty. Fill in the void in my hert and wow me with Your majesty, of Your glory. Love me with Your lovingkindness and give me a quiet spirit that wants nothing else but YOU.

I was so worked up that I veered away from the Greatest commandment and was fascinated with the Great commission instead. The supernatural, the prophetic, feeding the poor, evangelism and a host of other ministry works have taken a primary spot in my life. Sometimes when I am in His presence, pinned down on the floor and basking in His glory, I would ask Him, “what do you want to tell Your people Lord? Do you have any prophetic word for them? Or for me?” These are absolutely valid desires in our hearts, but then again all He wants, more than using us for His glory, more than blessing us, more than showing us our prophetic destiny, is us. He just wants us. He desires passionately for us to simply linger in His presence.

I love His timing. As Im writing this, my iTunes played a preaching of Jaeson Ma, and as I cranked up the volume he shouts, “Conferences, church meetings, revival, signs and wonders, they’re all good… but God’s presence is better!!! If I were to chose between seeing 5,000 raised from the dead, miracles, signs and wonders, and millions of churches planted around the world, between that or having five minutes of God’s manifest presence, to feel and to touch and to taste His glory, I would chose five minutes with God.”

One loud amen to that!!! Being loved by God and loving Him back (1John 4:19) is the end goal of my life. My devotional time with Him, all my prayers and time in His word, are not my means to a bigger ministry, or more anointing… but this is my end. To dwell in His presence all the days of my life and be fascinated by His beauty! (Psalms 27:4) There’s nothing else I want more. This is my rhyme and this is my reason.

I am not saying that we’re supposed to just sit idle and lock ourselves up all day long. No! I believe with all my heart that as you make the First Commandment a priority, then the second will just flow effortlessly. As I become more heavenly minded I know that God is going to make me of earthly good. I found that so true in my life. But never again will I trade my precious encounters with God for anything else!

Being ruined by His love has reordered my life. I am so sure that for the rest of my days I am going to be ministering to the poor, preaching the gospel to people everywhere, be on mission trips and see revival happen in my generation, making disciples of all nations. I believe that He is gonna pour out His Spirit on me more and more and I’ll be moving in the prophetic, with signs and wonders, raise the dead perhaps? But even if I have all of that and more, if I have not loved Him, then I am nothing. (1Cor. 13).

To have my heart set ablaze as I read through Scriptures and be facinated with this beautful God Im inlove with is way better than anything else in the world, it’s more exhilirating than seeing a multitude come to Christ or preach on a crowd of one million. Ministry is good but God is better.

I don’t ever want to lose that place of rest, where it’s just me and Him. This is my ministry, to minister to my Lord. To pour out my vile of worship every moment and to behold His face every single day. I count all things loss for the excellence of knowing Him(Col 3:8).

It's our anniversary tomorrow!

2008-08-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

I was young... fifteen, when I met him and I'm smitten till this very day. I love him... I really do. He fascinates me like no other, sweeps me off of my feet everytime. Our love story is one i cherish the most. We have so much history together and I've grown and loved and lived a beautiful life because he came along. He held my hand through it all- pain, laughter, grief and joy. He is my world, a man i can't live without.

2003.
So here I was, a miserable girl in her junior year... High school can be so depressing, life is cruel even for a teenager. I didn't have purpose, no genuine happiness, no life really. I was popular (i think) and had an ample number of suitors to boost my self-esteem (does the opposite sometimes) and my family name rang aloud in the land. Everything seemed to work out for me, but I was dead. I was empty. Numb most of the time. Hated by quite a handful of people. I didn't like me either.

Then I found Jesus. And the rest is history. His story.

Fast forward to now... I'm the girl, uh-ehem 20year-old lady who is radically happy with God.. in love to the very core. The whole-hearted devotion I have for this Man Jesus is what I am all about, it's what shapes me. For Him, I have gladly given up so much of what the world thinks is valuable.. Because I say-- Jesus is infinitely more valuable than anything, I mean anything this world has to offer. I'd willingly give my life for Him. Kill me and I won't complain; raise me back to life and I'd die for Him all over again.

That's Jesus. I can't help it. He's too wonderful to ignore. Too fascinating and beautiful to not love. It's not about religion or some sort of "calling" to serve Him, but this is nothing but pure, unadulterated affection towards a God who's more real to me than my family or friends.

I praise Him for setting me free, out of my self-love and into the unspeakable joy of making much of Him. I make it my aim for this lifetime to pour out all of me for His glory. The joy of beholding Him cannot be surpassed by the pleasure wealth and fame can give, or the thrills of having a boyfriend or a husband.. He's so much bigger than all of that.

He is the only Man I have ever loved. Technically and poetically that's true. He is not my means to the 'best life now', but HE IS MY END. He is my reason, my purpose my SUPERIOR PLEASURE, my greatest reward.For five years now, His glory has been my greatest delight and I can't think of doing anything else but enjoying Him for the rest of my life and forever. I cant wait for eternity.

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
Philippians 1:21

I Guess Im Intolerant

2008-03-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

My Political Philosophy professor finds it amusing when I speak in front of the class. And he doesn’t mind even if what I’m talking about is subtly bashing his beliefs and religious convictions. This afternoon, for the nth time, he made me talk about Christianity and what my personal beliefs would say about our topic, and though he’s a Muslim (a Suffi to be exact) he allocates a portion of his class time for me to gush about my Jesus. I seriously don’t mind, duh. He listens to my arguments and does it with the biggest smile on his face. I mentioned that his beliefs are considered heretic in mine, but he doesnt care, he even encourages me to talk some more. It's plurality he says.

In the past, tolerance was such a far-fetched concept to Catholics. They were very intolerant to say the least. They have burnt millions of people they believed to be heretic and had a very sophisticated manner of torturing those who wouldn’t recant. Intolerance in those eras has ostracized other religions, prosecuted protestants, massacred Jews and burnt countless of women whom they believed to practice witchcraft. and the list of horrifying deeds go on. With all these things said, you would imagine how appalled my classmates were when I said I TOO AMINTOLERANT.

Okay, let me first qualify my answer. For most of you, you know im not the type of person who would shave your head and burn you at the stake once i would know of your unbelief. Obviously, im talking about a contemporary definition of intolerance- which has evolved politically and socially over the years.

So for the sake of having a clean-cut discussion on the topic, ill stick to this definition which my professor insists on and i would like to disagree with.

TOLERANCE: The belief that multiple religions or secular world views are legitimate and valid. Each is true when viewed from within its own culture. It is accepting varrying practices and principles some people believe in.

If that's the case, then I'm intolerant.

"The Christian is most often claimed to be "intolerant" when he refuses to accept and speaks out against "alternative lifestyles," such as cohabitation or homosexual behavior"

Yes, I'm not afraid to say that I am against homosexuality... and i believe that it is wrong, so is abortion, and witchcraft, and premarital sex, and alcoholism, and things like that. And yes, I believe in an absolute truth. And yes, I also believe in one God who will judge everyone in the after life because I believe in HELL and that sinners will get roasted in it unless they repent and acknowledge Jesus as their Lord and Savior because He is the ONLY way.

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me. John 14:6

But unlike some people think, my so-called intolerance doesnt cause me to harbor hatred, in fact God commands me to do otherwise and show His love to those who are lost. My intolerance is non-coercive unlike in the medieval times, i merely shun or frown on certain behavior or attitudes that i deem sinful, unjust or in some way inappropriate, but i never impose. How i wish i could, but Christianity doesnt work that way.

I know people who practice heresy and yet i love them still. I have friends who are homosexuals, who cohabit with their lovers, who watch pornography, who worship Budha, who rejects Jesus and some who don't believe in His existence at all. This is a pretty harsh statement, but I believe they're all headed in hell, just like all sinners, just like me five years ago. But the best part is, they don't have to.. if and only if they'd believe in Jesus and surrender their lives to Him, repent and turn from anything the Bible calls sin.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23

The love of God in my heart never ever led me to condemn these people... i have zero tolerance with their sinful acts, but i have genuine love for them, love them so much that i pray for them everyday and wish so hard that their eyes may be opened to God’s saving truth. It's the least i could do after knowing what Jesus did to save a wretched, damned girl like me.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we
were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

This post is a little bit muddled for now, i sort of am in a hurry. But let me end with this one.

My professor gave me five minutes to talk in answering this question, "Bernice, how important really is conversion? And do people really need to be converted?"

I went up in front and explained. My ideas though, weren’t entirely mine, but by my friend Ardie. He told me, "Diba Nice, it's really not about 'conversion'? But it's about sharing God's love to people? You share your faith to others, and let them decide for themselves. Coercion was never the goal of Christianity, but to spread the love of Christ to the world."

Those werent the exact words, but im pretty sure it's close. Hearing him say that was really something. I just hope people understand it as much as Ardie does. And yes, the answer is yes, people need to be SAVED. Billions are indulging themselves in sin, millions are believing in some false religion, worshiping false gods and are walking in the wrong path. So many of my friends strongly adhere to certain belief systems which are not of God, and it breaks my heart to see them that way. PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW JESUS, they NEED to be saved. That's why we have missionaries, that's why we have martyrs, that's why we have churches and campus ministers, preachers, and evangelists...that's the reason why I'm posting this blog.